How do you deal with your colleagues?

It's only natural to be affected by what others think. Everyone needs to be accepted, acknowledged, wanted, liked, loved, valued and respected. But when you are depressed you often feel that you are neither acknowledged nor loved. Instead you may feel conflict and concern in relations with other people.

Your relationship with your colleagues may come under strain. This is because the illness often makes you:

• Irritated
• Intolerant
• Critical
• Angry

You therefore easily express the above feelings to your colleagues with the consequence that they become less tolerant of you. You may feel:

• Ashamed
• Guilty
• Disappointed
• Angry

Self-assertion

You may also become self-assertive - the more inadequate you feel, the greater your need to compensate by boasting in a bid to make people think better of you. You may become dependent on being praised and valued. On the other hand, you may also be hostile when you don't attract praise in your everyday work. You may feel:

• Overlooked
• Badly treated
• Abused

Criticism

Perhaps you have been far too eager to please for some time. Many people suffering from depression feel that they work extremely hard but that their colleagues reject or criticise them unfairly. Once you have been diagnosed as suffering from depression and are undergoing treatment, you can choose whether or not to tell your colleagues.

When you feel that you are being criticized, remember that:

There may be a reason for it - though it is rarely as serious as you think

Your thoughts may be overly negative because you think:

• "Oh no, now they think I'm stupid"
• "This is terrible, I'm sure to be fired"
• "I can't ever do anything right"

• You may be too hard on yourself and exaggerating what others think about you
• The criticism may be unfounded because your colleague is having a bad day

Should I tell others that I'm depressed?

Once you have been diagnosed as suffering from depression and are undergoing treatment, you can choose whether to tell your colleagues or not. You don't have to - depression and illness are part of your private life. A healthy and protective approach would be to tell only as much as you are comfortable with.

There is less of a stigma attached to depression these days and it is likely that at least some of your colleagues will have had some personal experience with the illness.

Trust can often result in disappointment. This is because it is hard for others to keep a secret and many people pass on secrets without meaning any harm.

Pros and cons?

It's always a good idea to weigh the pros and cons of telling others about your depression. However, be prepared for drawbacks to being open about your illness.