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Facing that in which I have ran not so easy. feeling it really feeling it even hard crying almost seems like a gift because for so long I felt so numb. I love where I am but I don't know where I am going yet and that's okay . I hear this voice in my head that tells me to dig deep to look deep that their within me lies my light . I can slowly feel it brightening inside me . Sometimes its feels pain full to sit alone in silents I think I am afraid of what I might hear? I know this is a process something that wont happen over night but in time much healed time. I get tempted to fall back into my old habits it is so easy to run from myself and my feelings I just shut myself out . If I don't listen deep enough and turn the volume down on my inner voice. It hurts sometimes the truth hurts. But why escape it I am hurt he has moved on but the reality is he has I don't really know how he feels but he is beyond my control . I know that their is a reason for all things ones I might never understand all I can know is that everything has its purpose do I miss him so much. I am ashamed that I felt so deeply for someone who may not have felt do deeply about me however I don't know that he didn't all I know is that God has brought me here. I am learning day by day who I am . I know who I want and strive to be and the changes I have made and I am making are taking me to those places I love where I am even though it might not seem special to someone else it is where God has put me . I can feel myself growing and learning and my heart growing and learning I can feel me changing into a more positive being I love everyone around me and I can appreciate people for who they are and I can make the choice now to be around certain people or not . I know in time as I keep praying I will be able to forgive maybe not forget and move forward . It such an amazing feeling