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I am beyond thankful that I can look at things a take whats mine and start to release what other peoples I love that I can have many more good then bad days because of this . today I saw my counselor and it was weird we start talking about my Grandma who I love very dearly she passed last year and I started recalling some hurtful child hood experiences with her I was able to kinda pick apart the actual meanings behind some of her actions and although I took in a very hurtful way to see that maybe it was her hurts and her trying to prevent me from hurting like she did that caused her to say some of the things that hurt so deep things like I need to be smarter , the way I looked and dressed was horrible, my dreams were unrealistic ,not talking to my dad was sinful, all stuff that without me even realizing it until now plays like a broken record in my head the greatest part of this whole journey has been learning who I am slowly but surely and accepting and loving myself. Like I say over and over I anything but perfect but I am perfectly me . I have so much learning to do but within my heart I feel this light getting brighter and brighter I love loving people I pray to continue to fill a room with radiant love simply by walking in it and just smiling at someone or being able to listen and really listen to a person not trying to understand them but being an ear for them. I never saw myself in a healthy way tell now and day by day I feel like I get better. I love feeling radiant and being thankful I love my family and appreciate all they have done for me I me we all made mistakes and had a ton of hurt and loss to deal with maybe I just wasn't ready tell now . I love each and every moment and day and thank God I am where I am