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I feel like I knew the value of money the day I left the womb . It felt like everything in our life's when I was younger could be solved by money. Mom and Day wouldn't fight about all the money he owed her for child support, we would have money for the cool clothes, mom wouldn't be stressed all the time. Because we had no money and I knew its worth I began to feel pretty worthless if felt like everyone was that much better then me. The min I could work I did I got my first babysitting job when I was 12 I started a paper route and worked and worked I worked to get away from everything the year I got the flyer route i felt like that year was going to be my year to shine at school I bought new clothes with the money I made and I was right i made some friends I wasn't as popular as I had hoped but I was getting there .Now I work in a bar and get hit on all the time by drunk guys and you think I would be flatter and even with being told that my outside beauty is up to par I feel so ugly inside . How did I become this ? who am I ? all I ever wanted was to feel loved to feel like I belonged somewhere . I find these jerk guys who never really have to much going for them they show a little bit of love and affection and I am hooked I am in way to deep and it might be the first week. It usually feel like there my world suddenly and if they ever are to leave me I cant handle the pain of not feeling go enough for them to stay, or having them cheat on me and stay because I don't feel like I can find anyone else .. and I ask myself this when does that change when do I get to escape being the girl who ends up with the jerk that cheats, or takes advantage of me being given or most importantly when do I stop getting into to the abusive relationship when do I get to find that guys that really cares and loves me just the way I am. when do my dreams come true when do I get to feel enough? when do I get to be everything that I am capable of being. I know the answers to my own questions that is the worst part when does this all change when I change how I think of me so I pray that some way some how I can do this that I can love myself to the fullest and by doind that be so much more then I am or feel right now